more than principles and ideals

hello, my name is brooke. this is the first time i've written in this space, but most likely you've read my name here before. in posts like this and this. that's because i've been around this place -- with the exception of a 1.5 year break in which i moved to Madison and got married -- for about 4 years now. i was an intern at first, and now i've come back, along with my husband, as one of the hunkering-down-staying-in-it-for-the-long-haul leaders. i'm ridiculously grateful that Papa saw fit to make this community my people, this neighborhood my home, and these neighbors my mission field. 

i'm writing this post while all the rest of us are at the 5th Street Hall serving up a Love Feast to over 100 neighbors who have, by God's grace, come to think of one another as some sort of family, some sort of church. even though part of my role here is to organize those love feasts and coordinate volunteers, i don't actually get to attend the feasts so often these days (gratefully, we have danmike and emily and charis and jordan and cam and roseann and others to pick up that work). and the reason i'm not there is because i have this little daughter, you see, and she's only four and a half months old, which means that she naps three times a day, nurses every few hours and goes to bed really early, all of which adds up to making me rather home-bound -- keeping house and working from home while she sleeps, sitting while she nurses, and venturing out for brief jaunts during her wakeful periods. 

this staying home with a sleeping, nursing baby rather than jumping in on the daily rhythms and work of the boiler room is sacrificial obedience for me right now. the boiler room work is much more colorful in many ways and has more of the dramatic highs and lows that i happen to enjoy. and lots of times i've felt a bit ashamed of my absence from these things that used to be so central to the shape of my days and my weeks. (seems a little silly to call yourself a leader and then to seldom be around). but...

well, this is what i feel God's giving me to write about today: that it is far more important to be obedient to His instructions than to adhere to principles or ideals. even very good principles and the most beautiful ideals need to bow in submission to the here-and-now living word of God. or else they are idols. 

that's abstract, but what i mean is that in my own life, quitting a career, getting rid of my things, moving into an impoverished/addicted/violent neighborhood, and getting my hands dirty in the work of loving it... well, that's become an idealized principle of Christian living. you know, it's the way that you're "supposed to" live your life if you really love Jesus. and perhaps i'd developed a bit of pride in the fact that i was living according to that ideal, to that principle of kingdom life. 

but then i gave birth to a daughter named hazel june (oh, she's so sweet, you wouldn't even believe it!), and she requires my attentive love in a round-the-clock kind of way that i guess i had to experience to believe. so these last four months Papa has been whispering in my ear and working His open-heart surgery on my insides, all to beckon me to say a full "yes" to motherhood; to let it be my job, not a side gig that fits into the cracks of that lovely, principled, idealized life i'd been trying to live. so i'm choosing to be obedient. but i tell you what, that ideal life dies hard. i haven't been letting it go without a fight. 

but He's always after our hearts, i'm finding. more than the noteworthy, unique, sacrificial things we "do for the Kingdom"... He wants hearts that are yielded to Him, the Living God, more than are dedicated to scriptural principles and beautiful ideals. 

i'm not the only one being taught this around here these days.

danmike is learning that even if he generally thought a college education was a bad idea, when Jesus invites him to pursue it in this new season, he'd better be ready to say yes. 

jenn is learning things that overlap heavily with what i've just written here. (you may remember?)

emily is choosing to be deliberate and to walk slowly in regards to a deep desire of her heart, even though i suspect her ideal would be to move quite quickly in the direction of her heart's desire. 

....

but here i am. i'll write from time to time. i'll be the one praying from my living room while the others are in the prayer garage, delegating love feast work, keeping the books, being a support and sounding board to tim and danmike and tony as they lead, and prayerfully carrying the weight of this work in my heart. when i'm not mothering hazel, that is. :)

::brooke::

 

Comments

[Susan]

beautiful post Brooke. I especially love that you know " it is far more important to obedient to His instructions than to adhere to principles or ideals. i think anytime you choose obedience, the rest will automatically follow. that's God's perfect order of things.

It has also been my experience that being a mother is the hardest job you will ever love to do. planting deep roots of faith in little seeds takes lots of care, time and love. i wouldn't ever change that looking back.

blessings,
Susan

[Susan]

beautiful post Brooke. I especially love that you know " it is far more important to obedient to His instructions than to adhere to principles or ideals. i think anytime you choose obedience, the rest will automatically follow. that's God's perfect order of things.

It has also been my experience that being a mother is the hardest job you will ever love to do. planting deep roots of faith in little seeds takes lots of care, time and love. i wouldn't ever change that looking back.

blessings,
Susan

[Kathy]

so beautifully said. and so true, that He desires obedience more than sacrifice. (I sam 15.22 - to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams) I love that verse. so glad you put this into words. thank you, Brooke.

[Megan]

I love this Brooke. And there is deep, deep beauty in the workings of home that offer us time and a quiet place to linger over prayers while folding socks and listening to a baby breathe soft on your chest. This place, too, is a mission field, don't you let the evil one cheat you into believing it's not. And this work we do is raising the army of God. And it is vital. So, I'm praising God that he's called you to it and that you're listening and that Hazel has been chosen to be part of your story of obedience and training. She is blessed.